Have you ever felt so confused you didn't even know you were confused? Yeah, well welcome to my world today.
It seems like everytime something goes right for me, the world throws something in that sends it all back into a circus. Like today, a YEAR after my first "love" and I parted ways, he contacts me. (It's been more along the lines of 10 months, but hey? that's like forever when you're a teenager.) Anyways, last summer he gave me the most spectacular summer of my life, and you know what? I don't even care if he reads that. He should know.
I'll do a quick recap, you can just deal(;
I was introduced to him through a mutual friend at a party. I didn't really know anyone else there other than my friend, whom we will call Kassy, at the party and I had just gotten out of a messy break up not even a week before. So needless to say, I wasn't in the partying mood. I found myself a quiet area outside where I chose to sit and look up at the stars (yes, i am THAT cool.)
That's where he found me. We will call him Brock. Brock approached me and made a comment about how a "pretty girl like me shouldn't be alone at a party" blah blah blah; you get the picture. I, of course, shot him down like a bird in quail season. (According to Brock, that's why he became interested in me. He NEVER got turned down and i flat out blew him off. He likes a challenge.) He was a typical football player: uses more muscles in his arms than in his head. For me, that's a huge turn off. I hate stupidity.
But as we sat there, looking up at the stars, (me waiting for him to get the picture that i WAS not interested and him STARING at me) he made a comment that made me rethink blowing him off: he pointed out Orion to me. Not just the belt, but the whole guy. He even told me the whole story about how he'd become a the constellation. Astronomy? HUUUUUUGE turn on.
So of course at the end of the party when he asked to see me again, i said yes. Haha, gave him my number like a love struck teenager and everything. I didn't see him again though, until the Fourth of July, nearly a full week later.
We happened to run into each other at a local park and before long, we'd seperated from the rest of the group and found our way to one of the back baseball fields. We laughed and ate a funnel cake while getting to know each other. He made me laugh and he had a funny way of wording things to make the simplest comments thought provoking. He asked questions I'd never been asked like "What's your favorite color of the sunset?" and "What's one person that you never want to forget?" Little did i know, the answer to that last question would be him...but anywho, we spent about three hours talking on and on in that field before we had a MASSIVE powdered sugar fight, ending with him tackling me to the ground. We kissed for the first time, me pinned under him, covered in powdered sugar, while fireworks erupted all around us. Seriously, i kid you not. That is a story I will tell my children.
So of course with a first date like that, we saw each other again...and again...and again until i was sneaking out every night to go and see him and he was skipping practice to sit in his car with me. He would tuck my hair behind my ear and say things like "you look like an angel." He wrote me songs on his guitar and held me when i cried about my dad. I was never one of those people who thought teenagers could fall in love, but I did. I fell in love with him after only two months and even now, I know that what we had was real.
In the end, it didn't work out. Near the middle of August he cheated on me....with Kassy. The girl who introduced us. He lied about it, but eventually broke down and told me. He had been drunk and so had she, and he felt bad but it reaaaally hurt me. I've had issues with trust my whole life, what with my dad, brother, and step dad all walking out on me at some point. I think it tore me apart as badly as it did because he was the first person i ever truly let see me cry. I don't even cry infront of my family. He knew how i worked and who i was so intimately that I felt his betrayal all the way to my sould (cheesy, but true). I ended it and deleted his number and his facebook from my friends list, and for about 4 months, i focused on nothing but getting over him.
It took nearly six to look at his picture without aching and nearly 8 to think about dating anyone else. He was the first, and will be the only, guy to ever take that big of a piece of me. Now, he's calling me again. He wants to "talk" and needs to "see" me because now that summer is back around, he can't think of anything else than what we had before.
Like i said, everytime my life evens, something rolls back in. This time it's brock. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, but I do know i can't go back to him.

woooow. this has been a REALLY sappy post, and I'm sorry for that. You'll have to forgive me. Hopefully i'll be on again later with something more upbeat.
Goodnight everyone.
-The Original Unreasonable Teenager
xoxo

07/27/09

My first kiss in the rain